Focusing on Connection and Influence
As parents, it’s natural to want to protect our children from pain and struggle, especially when they face tough times in something they love, like hockey. However, challenges in sports and in life, are just opportunities for growth. These moments, though difficult, teach our kids resilience, perseverance, and a level of strength they wouldn’t gain otherwise. Our role as parents is not to control every situation or rescue them from every setback but to connect with them and influence them positively, so they can handle adversity with confidence and maturity.
1. Connection Over Control
When your child is struggling, your instinct may be to jump in and try to fix everything, but that approach often isn’t helpful in the long run. Instead, focus on connecting with them. This means listening, understanding, and offering empathy, not just advice. By connecting, you show your child that you’re there for them no matter what. When they feel supported, they’re more likely to open up, feel secure, and trust themselves to handle challenges. True connection builds a bond that lets them know they don’t have to go through it alone, even if the situation feels hard.
2. Influence Instead of Rescuing
Influencing means guiding and encouraging rather than swooping in to solve problems. When kids face tough times in hockey; whether it’s losing a game, dealing with a coach they don’t get along with, or struggling with performance pressure, they learn best by going through these experiences with support, not shortcuts. Rather than stepping in to “fix” things, try to be an influence that shows them the value of hard work, consistency, and learning from errors.
For example, if they’re upset about a game where they didn’t play their best, help them reflect on what they can learn from it. Ask them questions like, “What did you feel good about, and what would you like to work on for next time?” By doing this, you’re helping them build skills to reflect, grow, and adjust without relying on someone else to rescue them.
3. Adversity Builds Resilience and Perseverance
When our kids face tough times, they’re building life skills that will serve them far beyond hockey. Adversity teaches resilience—the ability to bounce back from setbacks—and perseverance, which is the grit to keep going even when things get tough. If we shield them from every difficulty, they don’t get the chance to develop these essential traits.
Hockey will bring tough times; it’s a part of the game. There will be moments when they don’t make the team they hoped for, they miss a crucial shot, let in a soft goal or they face criticism. These experiences are challenging, but they’re also incredibly valuable. They help kids learn that setbacks aren’t the end; they’re simply part of the journey. By allowing them to face challenges, you’re giving them the chance to build inner strength and confidence.
4. Supporting Through Encouragement and Understanding
Encouragement doesn’t mean pushing them harder or setting higher expectations. It means reinforcing that you believe in them, no matter the outcome. When they face a setback, show understanding instead of disappointment. Remind them that growth takes time and that everyone faces challenges along the way. Let them know you’re proud of their effort, dedication, and courage to show up, regardless of the results.
5. Letting Go of the Urge to Control Outcomes
It’s tempting to want to control the outcomes in your child’s hockey journey, but it’s more helpful to focus on the journey itself rather than just the result. Teach them that setbacks are just steps on the road to improvement. If we place too much emphasis on winning or always being the best, they may start to feel that their value is tied to their performance. Instead, celebrate their progress, effort, and love for the game, not just the outcomes.
Final Thoughts
Helping your child through the tough times in hockey means focusing on building a meaningful connection and being a positive influence. Adversity can be an incredible teacher, giving them the chance to develop resilience, perseverance, and inner strength. By guiding them through the rough patches instead of fixing things for them, you’re helping them grow not only as hockey players but as strong, capable individuals ready to face whatever life throws their way.
Remember, every game, every setback, and every challenge are an opportunity for growth. Let your role be one of support, connection, and encouragement, and watch as your child develops the resilience and perseverance that will serve them both on and off the ice.
